My transition into male sex occurred a number of years ago after my first wife passed away following an extended illness. She had been unable to engage in sex for some time, and so I dealt with my physical needs the best I could, mostly through chronic, habitual masturbation. The months following her passing were very difficult for me emotionally, and I was having a hard time dealing with the grief, and the guilt. I had periodically struggled with bouts of guilt since high school, when I began to use masturbation to help deal with stress and insecurities. Back then, it was referred to as “abusing oneself”. I tried to stay busy and exercise to manage these urges, but when that did not work, masturbation (usually in conjunction with anal stimulation) became my “drug of choice”, as it were. I thought marriage would alleviate the need for this, and it did, for a while. But, compulsive, addictive behaviors are hard to break, and I found myself despairing over my lack of self-control. An even greater threat to my battered conscience was my growing desire for close physical intimacy with another male. Throughout my life, my traditional Southern upbringing and church teaching consistently taught me that such desires and behaviors are, at best, morally disordered, and at worst – well, you get the idea. Right or wrong, this was poured into my foundation from the very beginning. So, it should not have come as a surprise that this would be a source of emotional turmoil, especially …