For those who don't know me, I was active about a year ago, and amassed a decent following for my own story, Being More Social, before I was forced to take it down. While in the process of writing a second series, one which could actually be displayed by this website given its rules, I've looked into how other people write smut and come across a lot of guides. Almost universally they bear the title 'how to write a good porn story,' and they usually boil down to opinion (like, 'you should always include the guy doing this to the girl' or 'the characters should be dressed like this'). QED, they don't help at all. Frankly, especially when it comes to smut if you ask me, a better guide would be 'how to write a bad one,' since badness in stories involving sex seem to revolve around tropes that should be removed, not a lack of tropes that should have been added. For this reason, I've decided amidst my new series to write this short, incredibly informal essay, 'How to write a terrible sex story.' (This is also going to contain a lot of opinion, but I hope more of this is universal opinion, ergo helpful.) Some of you may think I'm being a prick for outlining tropes in stories other writers have used, and frankly, yeah, I'm probably being quite the prick. Nevertheless, my works in the past have earned me an incredibly valuable resource – readers so dedicated they would read my content on other sites. For that reason, I'm gonna toot my own horn enough to presume I have the right …